Journal of a broken man!

This will be short, but a base of what I will be journaling in the next year. I will write of my adventures all over the world,my sermons collected from 1973, my testimonyof God's saving grace, and my experiencing Bipolar illness in the last 5 years. I will be gathering materials from all over. I am excited, as wellas frightened, as this will be the biggest task I have ever accomplished, and I will accomplish it. Be praying for me. Van

Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:38
Please do not do your own thing. I fight every day with prayer and scripture for my life. I am what I eat, so I choose to live on the word of God. I struggle every day, but with God's word in me, I can be a over comer in every area of my life. I am finding that as I release my will, emotions, and spirit to God, I can float through life so much easier. I do love the Lord with all of my heart. I am determined to press on.

Perfect Peace!

Nirvāna (Sanskrit: निर्वाण; Pali: निब्बान (Nibbāna); Prakrit: णिव्वाण) is a central concept in Indian religions. In sramanic thought, it is the state of being free from suffering (or dukkha). In Hindu philosophy, it is the union with the Supreme being through Moksha. The word literally means "blowing out" — referring, in the Buddhist context, to the blowing out of the fires of greed, hatred, and delusion.^[1]

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Recently I could not stop worrying, and started to have bouts of anxiety. This lasted for three weeks. Karen suggested that I go and see my Doc, which I did. I gave him my symptoms, and he immediately put my on seroquel XR, which is an extended release med to help control mania, and anxiety. Well, it is working. I am very much subdued, and will need to get adjusted to the new med. I feel that I am in another world, and have a very hard time connecting at times. The side effects are real, and I will only be taking this med for a short time. I have peace, yes perfect peace in Jesus Christ, My Lord. Bipolar Illness is real, and must be carefully watched. I am stable now for 2 years. My thanks to Karen, who lives with this thing. Van

Family

Today has been a restful day for me. It has been over a week since my surgery, and I am feeling much better. I read my families posts, and I get so excited that we have a wonderful family. I check facebook, twitter, blogs, and email to stay in touch with everyone. I am proud to be a grandfather of two beautiful children and another baby to come soon. I am also proud to a father of three wonderful boys, and three beautiful girls. Lastly I can say that I know that I married the best woman in the world for me. Family keeps me thinking the right thoughts, and staying in line with God's word. I will mention here of all of the numerous parents, uncles, and aunts, cousins, nephews, and in-laws that are the best. I love you all, and thank you for your prayers, and encouragement. I use family tree, and wish to spend some time inputting new info. I may catch you, and ask for names, address's, and info to keep up with our growing family. Thanks, Van

surgery!

Today, October 11th, I had surgery to place bone into my jaw. Later when it heals I will have a titanium rod placed into the socket, and then a porcelain crown to finnish the operation. This is an important tooth, as it is my back molar. I am glad that the surgery is over, and that I am home resting. Teeth are like life. Much maintenance has to be done in order to keep a balanced life. Prayer, bible study, fellowship, witnessing, and unconditional love to all men. Life is like a tooth that gets a cavity. A cavity hurts, causes plaque to build up, and needs attention. When I in life need attention, God speaks to me, and asks me to get to Jesus , my doctor for a checkup. I am so glad that Jesus always looks out for me.

Birthday

Today September 18th, 2010 is my 55th birthday. I had a wonderful day hanging out with friends, going to a wedding, and coming back to the house for turtle cheese cake( thanks Heath), and ice cream cake. I don't feel 55, and I accept my age. I love to keep active, and love to smell the roses along the way. Sunday we leave for Atlantic City for 5 days. Karen and I love to go away for a few days to rest and be together. I love September as it is a transition month. I look forward the cooler days because the air seems to be so much cleaner, and I like to take walks. Life has been pretty good for me. I am ready to accept the next challenge that the Lord has for me. Have a good day.

Normal Life!

September 13th, and I feel very normal. Redskins beat Dallas, and my son, wife, and grandchildren were here over the weekend. Life is good. I go to see my pyschiatrist today. It usually lasts around 5 minutes while he looks at me, writes out my prescriptions, and says how is your wife doing? He must see that I am doing well. Should I say that my whole life is falling apart, or that I hate Bipolar Illness? No, I believe that life has a way of just telling us, that we are doing OK. Two years ago in August I was mentally unstable, and needed to be put into a hospital. I was a total basket case. Today the difference is that I alow people to help keep me stable. I take my meds, sleep very well, eat balanced meals, and get good outside time. Do I hate my illness? Yes, with a passion, but I am leaving the outcome up to God, WHEN He delivers me. I do and will always believe in miracles. So the next time that you see me, ask me how are you feeling, I will tell you that I am doing normal thank you very much.
Saturday Sept 18th is my 55th birthday. I feel great! On Sunday we leave for Atlantic City for 6 days. I love to take mini trips to enjoy Karen, and the new scenery. Hope to write more later, as this is a great way for me to get my feelings out.

Summer comes to an end!

My summer has been great! enjoy some pics.

Good Day

I am having a really great day today. I organized and cleaned up some space in my office, changed over a set of golf clubs into a better bag, organized bills, cleaned the kitchen, and watched a movie. Hats off to Karen for working full time, and taking care of me. I am a happy camper.

Listen to vanheslops Playlist

Car

Great trip, coming home and my 2000 Toyota Camry's engine went bad. Friends helped us tow it back home, and today ( Thursday, I found a good used engine). I am thankful for friends that are always there when you need them. I will have my car back on the road soon, and am so blessed to have a car.

Vacation

We are soon on our way to Myrtle Beach, SC. I am excited, as this is our first big vacation of the year. We are staying in a large Cottage 2 blocks from the ocean. Some friends will be joining us, and we will have a great time. I hope to take long walks along the beach, sit and watch the birds, swim in the pools and ocean, and go out to some nice restaurants.

Last Blog

I believe that this will be my last blog. No one reads them. I cannot type, and all my diary's are somewhere else. So until the nextt time, I will keep this open, and maybe write something in the year 2012. Have a great day.

Good and Plenty!

I have been eating a box of good and plenty candy for the last few days. I love the candy on the outside and licorice on the inside. Most of us are like good and plenty. We are so hard on the outside( Do not attempt to get close to me), and I will choose my friends. Most people have very few close friends. The way you act towards others is a reflection of the real you. If you are callous, then you may have a hard heart. If you are too passive then you may need to tighten your reigns. The balance is to Love people without allowing them to take advantage of you. The inside of good and plenty is black licorice. It represents a black heart or void of any emotion. Emotion is not a bad thing. Emotion is associated with mood,temperament,personality,disposition, and motivation. The word just means moved. I was moved by the football team. I was moved by her voice. In ending I am an emotional being with Bipolar. I am moved by Md Junction, and all of the wonderful people helping one another. Blessings, Van

Loving People Hating Sin!

Loving People- Hating sins.I heard that years ago, and thought to myself where do I fit in. Today I do know. We are never to judge people, regardless of their lifestyle. Every person is created by God. I have Bipolar, and have come to grips with a different person than what I knew 5 years ago. I was raised to love everyone. Today I do not have prejudice in my heart for anyone. I also have a heart to try to understand different types of people.I want to share my heart. God loves us all, but God hates sin. Sin separates you and I from God. I made my peace with God in 1973. Since then I believe that God has looked out for me, and showed me a path in which to go. Because I am Bipolar, I can learn from the mental Health System. We are all the same, we have a mental illness. MDJ has taught me that there are so many types of illness's. I have Bipolar, you have BPD, or another thing. Use it for God's glory. I have finally accepted my illness, and can maybe help one person. Blessings, Van

Life is hard

I am here today to say that life can be very difficult at times. I have very good days ,then I have very bad days. I am not having as many mood swings, but just going through a hard time. I know that I am doing everything right, and feel good about my illness. It is just that the last two weeks have been very emotional for me. I have a very hard time concentrating. I sleep very well, and wake up feeling refreshed. My mind is racing a little bit during the day, with no thoughts of any concern. It just buzzes. I know that all of this will pass. I am really trying to stay the course. I do not wish to go backwards. I wish to keep getting better by the month. During the summer months I plan to stay home, as much as possible, and work around the house. Life is really good, and when this phase gets over , I wish to look back and say that it was not too bad after all.This is the Memorial Day weekend. Take time to thank a veteran. God bless the USA!

Piano

Just recently I sold all of my equipment in the basement. It was a lot of sound equipment, and musical equpment to have a one man band. They only thing that I missed was my keyboard. I love to sit down and jam or play a song that lifts my spirit. That was eight months ago, and I was getting buggy. We have saved some money from taxes, so my wife and I went out looking for keyboards. We drove to Hagerstown Maryland, and found a music store. There it was. I purchased an Yamaha 88 key weighted keyboard. It was a great price, and sounds just like a grand piano. It is called a Yamaha Portable Grand Piano. It set it up last night, and turned it on. I know what I will be doing on rainy days and nights that summer. It felt like playing a real piano. I love music, and it speaks to my heart. I ordered the piano with a bench, and pedals for sustain. It really lifted my soul today. Hope you can listen to some music, or play a instrument. It will also touch your heart.

My Journey

I am on a journey. I am traveling through hills and valleys and straight roads. I am on this journey for a lifetime. I see light ahead, I see storms ahead, and I see rough roads to travel over. Along the way I see road signs. These signs say to stop here for refreshment. Coffee, tea, sodas, and water are being offered. I also am being offered rest, and peace on my journey. I must choose these things for if I don't I will try to go too fast, or take the wrong roads which leads to frustration, and irritability. Also along the way are lust and greed to pull me further away from my destination. I can't do this on my own. I need help. I need wisdom, strength, and courage to keep me .I have Bipolar illness. I am on a journey. I am traveling along apath that many have traveled before. I must today reach out to say thanks for the help. I must reach out for the peace and rest to make my journey smooth. I am so thankful that I have a great support team. Today, I am on the straight road leading me to the city of love. Will you travel with me? Have a great day.

Sunny Day

Hi Today is a very beautiful sunny day.Life is good and I hope to be able to get outside a little bit today. News said that there was 10 days of cloudy or rainy weather. Bummer.I know that we need rain, but I love the warmer sunny weather. Take time to take a long walk, or go into your garden and smell some flowers. I love the sunshine. It does good for me.Have a great day.

Some days are like that!

I woke up this morning felling terrible. I didn't sleep well due to a stiff neck.It was one of those days. It is a busy day at the office, and I am trying to get into gear. So I will just kick back and make the best of this day.

Act Whole Be Whole !!

I am coming to a great conclusion in my life. In order to be whole I must act whole in every area of my life. I am learning to listen more, speak less, and think before I speak. My mouth can get me into a lot of trouble. I am also learning to trust those around me. I am Bipolar, and may always need those around me who can help to guide me when I am not on track. Pride will always shut me down, and humility will build me up.

Surgery

Friday April 23rd, I had sinus surgery at my oral surgeon's in Martinsburg, WV to take care of a bad sinus infection. I do not remember most of it because of the anesthesia . I remember waking up to it 's all done. Karen drove me home and went and got my meds to finish knocking out the infection. For four days I was in so much pain that I just slept, and took my pain meds. Now, on Tuesday the pain is going away, but the swelling is still there. I am working from home making calls and doing my reports. Thanks for all of the prayers and support of my friends. After three months the area will be healed and the process starts again. I will have a bone graft to prepare for my new implant. The whole plan will take over one year giving us plenty of time to prepare financially. Even though I worry a lot about this, I do know that God takes care of His children. My lesson is the more I trust the more God trusts me with. Pray that this whole plan will work out, and that my mouth will be stronger than ever. Have a great day, Van

Golf

While on a mini-vacation, my son took me golfing for the very first time. I was delighted, and hit a few good shots. I needed to ask him which club to use every time, and he was very patient with me.I arrived home, and felt very good about our day spent on the course. I think I was bit by the golf bug, for I decided to call another friend from church about where to buy a set of clubs. He astonished me by saying that he had a set ready for me. They are now in my trunk, and they are a perfect set for a man 5' 11". Included in the set are tons of balls( which I WILL lose), a ball grabber, and a brand new golf glove. I am just elated. Thanks to all of my family and friends that have made me a very happy man.

Water

I cannot believe how we lived without water in the house. On Tuesday April 13th, we arrived home from a glorious trip to the National Harbor to find no water in our home. Friends came over to find that the problem was not in the electric side in the basement. We pulled the well pump to find that it was 30 years old and was bad. I went and picked up a new pump and in a matter of an hour or so, we had cool clean water again. The first day of no water we went without taking showers. The second day we used gallons of water to wash up, and then the problem was fixed.
I appreciate the pilgrims, and the settlers for History's sake, but I thank God for the technology to enjoy electricity, water, and air conditioning. I do everyday thank God for His provision. God is so good and we should thank Him. Power goes out and we grumble. I am trying to be a good steward of my resources. God, thank you for providing all things for me to enjoy. We are starting our small garden, and will eat of the produce that God makes happen. Be Blessed! Van

Mini Vacation!

In a few minutes we are leaving for National Harbour Maryland. We are staying in a time share that is brand new. Karen and I will meet our son and wife and two children. There are so many things to do there. I am so excited. The weather is a bit cooler, in the lower 70's. Our place is settled right on the Potomac river. We may take a Potomac River taxi to take a tour of the area.We are taking food to save money, and will take some walks around the area. I truly believe that you and you family need to get away a few times a year to relax and reflect on the good things in your lives. I, being Bipolar need to search my heart and soul every day. I am getting better. I have been stable for 18 months. I feel very good about my live. My Psychiatrist has decreased my medicine, and this has helped me too. All in all, life has been good. I take time to go outside and breathe in. God is good to me. Have a good weekend, Love, Van

Heart of the matter!

I am a happy man. Today I had the opportunity to go and minister to a young man in need. I believe that we are all created to give more than we recieve. I also know that there is a need in us to go and give not looking to recieve anything in return.I know this and practice these principles as much as I can. With Bipolar illness I have to fight to stay ahead of my emotions. I want to reach out and need to keep my spiritual man in tune.
Today I felt great about talking with this young man. He is struggling, and just needed someone to talk with. I know that God does use us as we yield to Him. When I struggle I know that there are people to stand beside me and help me. Thanks to them, I am moving ahead in my progress of healing.
My heart hurts for hurting people. I know that a lot of people make there own bad circumstances. I am learning to help those who really need help.The bible says that many are ruined because of their stubborn wills. It also says that a man that has a teachable spirit will learn the ways of the Lord. If I have a good heart , Lord help me to share with people who need help. Today is a good day to reach out of your way to help someone.

Doctors and therapist's in my life!

This week I need to see my therapist on Tuesday, my Pyschiatrist on Wednesday, and my Oral Surgion on Thursday. I saw my Family doctor a few weeks ago. Where I used to dread going to these Docs, now I look forward to going as their number one interest is in helping me to become a healthy person. I am becoming more confident in myself, and believe that the best days are ahead for me. Special thanks to all the docs and their gifts of healing to the people who they administer too. Thanks also to all of the staff of Brooklane in Hagerstyown, Md, Mental Health Services in Hagerstown, Oral Surgion in Martinsburg, and family practice in Shepherdstown.
I believe that I am a much better person for their faithful services to me and all who benefit from them. Blessings to all of them, and their teams. Van

Between Winter and Spring

Seems to me that this has been a long winter. I enjoy the snow, but we got our fair share this winter. I did pretty good as for not getting depressed, and just took it into stride as to not allow myself to fall into a dark cloud. Today is March 15th, and the rain is almost stopped. Their has been a lot of flooding around the area, and I am glad that the rivers are finally receding. On Friday I had a Colonosopy at City Hospital. The procedures went fine, and I do not need to see the doc until another five years.I must say that I was a bit nervous. The hospital staff was excellent.
This week I meet with my therapist, my psychiatrist, and my dentist. I enjoy meeting with them as they usually affirm how I am feeling. I will need to get an implant put in on my back tooth, and in order to do this I will need to get a bone grafting, a sinus lift, and a titanium rod put in my mouth. I get very nervous about finances during this time. This is part of my Bipolar illness. I am learning to take one day at a time. My wife is helping me to slow down and take it easy. Thanks Karen. Well I must go for now, take care and have a great day. Van

Melting Snow

I for one am so glad the snow is almost gone here in the panhandle of West Virginia. As the snow began to melt, I saw signs of spring everywhere. The melting snow represents layers that come off when we accept the good things that God has reserved for us. I always have a hard time in the middle of winter because it is dark, and there is no color. Today I see buds on the trees and flowers starting to come out of the ground. The sun has healing virtues for me. I look forward to this spring. I will take walks and sing, and enjoy the breezes as they flow. Yes, I an very happy camper that the snow is finally melting.

Winter

Winter is nice for a lot of folks because of the snow, but for me it is a hard time. I cannot go outside, and the trees and bushes seem to be dead all around.I really do not get depressed, just blue. I also get bored to death because I love to walk, jog, and work outside. In the mean time I am starting on my Wii system. The Wii fit helps me to exercise, and stimulate my mind. I always gain weight from October to January. Now I wish to lose around 20 pounds by exercise, eating less, and mentally keeping my mind healthy. More snow is on the way, so I will try to keep motivated, and work to meet my goals.

Friends

Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the lord of them. That is a nice song from Michael W. Smith. I have some great friends all around me. Friends are:

1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.

3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause
5. a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty; an intimate

Noun

1.

friend - a person you know well and regard with affection and trust; "he was my best friend at the university"

This is from the Free Dictionary. Proverbs 17:17 says that a friend loves at all times, Proverbs 18:24 says that A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

My friends are there at all times, and are always ready to help me. The key to having friends is to be open and honest with each other. I know my friends and I am willing to trust them. We go to birthday party's for each other, visit when one is sick, and comfort each other when we are down. I really love my friends, and pray the best for them every day. Have a great day, ansd go out and find a friend.

Haiti

My heart was so heavy when I heard the news on CNN about the 7.0 earthquake to hit Haiti. The country is literally in shambles, and will take years to rebuild. Karen and I have good friends there who have a mission helping the people of Haiti to work for themselves. We just heard that they are all ok. There compound is in bad shape.The small country is just now assessing the total damage that will take time. The main concern is to keep a search and rescue moving for a few more days. Heep Haiti in your prayers. I stayed glued to facebook until I heard the news that our friends were ok, and sent a message to all about the same. You do not know how hard it is to wait for some words from loved ones. Karen and I went to Haiti in the 80's to help when Beverly was pregnant, and work in the city( Port-AU- Prince) to acquire supplies.
Please join me in prayer for the thousands that are still trapped under concrete structures. Pray also for relief in food, and water. Remember that life is not so much about you, but about us helping others. Have a great day, Van

Football Fevor

I have been watching College Football Bowl games for weeks now, and have really enjoyed it. College football seems to be pure and true. I also love the crowd noise that roars when their team gets ready to score. Now that College football( hat's off to Alabama) is over we are off to the NFL. There were some great games this last weekend. Baltimore, Jets, Dallas, and Arizona were this weeks winners. I noticed something amazing in all of the winners. They never gave up. They pressed on to the end. The bible says^: I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:14) Football teaches me to persevere. Life gets tough, but I must never give up. This last week end we had a funeral to attend, and I played my trumpet . It was a dear friend that passed after being sick. She is in a better place with Jesus today. Although it was a very busy weekend, I felt good about the results. Have a great week.

Feeling Good

Today is January 6th, and I feel good. I am not very good at Blogging so I just wanted to say that 2009 was a good year for me, and I am expecting 2010 to be even better. I believe that my mind is getting free from all of the obsession with Bi-Polar, so that I can focus on real life issues. I figure that I have 30 more years to make a difference in my family and friends, so I have decided to spend my life on people, not things. Things like money, sports, food, and entertainment can destroy a good family. I have also decided to lighten up to live a life of bliss, joy, and happiness.I was so serious that I lost my sense of pure joy that comes from the simple things in life. I made a little snow man the other day, and have so enjoyed it. It was not fancy, and did not have buttons or a hat, but it just looked cool as it was made from the snow and wood pile close by. Take time to laugh, and to hug a friend. You will see that life will pay you back with people that love and care for you.