Quietness

I just sat outside, and enjoyed the quietness of the outdoors. The bugs, the birds and the night sing so beautifully. I love the outdoors.

Great News!

I just recieved a phone call from an old friend. His blood pressure went up super high over the week end, and he was rushed by ambulance to the hospital. He was having a panic attack, and was very relieved. I have been praying for him, and always knew that God was in control of his life. On Monday he was approached by a young lady who just kept saying the he needed to confess Jesus as his savior. While she was saying this again, he started saying Jesus come into my heart, Jesus come into my heart. He said that right away he felt Jesus come into his heart, and felt the presence of the Lord. I just recieved a call from him, and I was so excited to hear the good news. I know many people do not believe in Jesus, but many do. Do not give up on your friends, and family. I am praying for you today.

Feelings of the mind

As a person with Bipolar1 I often find myself fighting feelings in my mind. I am doing great as far as my illness, but sometimes I just have a hard time coping with life. I just fight these feelings, and know that they will be with me, and that they may never go away. I am a very positive person, and look for opportunities to see good in things. Recently I have taken on some negative traits such as not believing that we will have enough money to live on. I also see our world as a very dark place to live.
With Bipolar it is very normal to have mood swings. I can be doing great, then I face depression in a matter of hours. I turn everything into negative, and see myself as a big loser. I fight hard to stay positive, and know that I am a Christian who has the victory.The victory comes, and goes quickly as my mind lies to me over and over again. The mind is a powerful thing. I sleep very well at night, and wake up very sluggish. It is during the day that my mind has the liberty to feed me the lies about life.
Another part of Bipolar is mania. Recently I have been fighting with all my heart against the upper part of Bipolar illness, Mania. I am feeling pretty good, and my mind will tell me that I am switching to mania. I know that I am not manic, but in my mind I feel that I being told that is not true. I will slide into another mania, and my mind tells me that I will not make it out of it. Of course all of this is a lie, because I am not manic, and I am doing great.
I am writing these blogs, because there are people out there who face the same mind games as I do. You may or may not be Bipolar, but you still face the battles. I have some advice. Stay close to people who love you. They can help you, pray with you, and talk you through the mind battle. Keep your minds stayed on good things. Focus on the best things, things that can keep you in control of your thought life. Pray for me, I pray for you.

Family Vacation

Amost all of our family were there. We had a great time!

Big Storm

A giant storm came through our area around 6:00 pm tonight. First it rained, then came the wind, then the hail, then everything went crazy. The lightening and thunder were frightening, and the trees started to lose there branches and leaves. The hail was penny to quarter size. The storm lasted over 45 minutes, and just pushed it's way around our little neighborhood. The temperature dropped around 20 degrees in a few minutes. The hail was all over the ground along with all of the debree from the strong winds. I can say that I was a bit shaken from this storm.
When storms in life come against you remember that Jesus is there to pilot your ship. He will bring you through you roughest battles, and show you the way to go. My Bipolar illness is a storm for me. I believe that Christ is there to help me through my greatest fears and battles. When you are overtaken remember to call Jesus and a special friend. Storms are created to help test you. Will you pass through the storm or will you sink? I pray that you will hold on and find a great victory. See you next time.

What Bipolar illness means to me!

I wish to share my three years of Bipolar illness. I wish to share what Bipolar is to me, my attitudes, my acceptance, and my fears, and mood swings, and my happy days. Bipolar illness is a mental disorder characterized by episodes of mania and depression. The true name for Bipolar is Manic Depressive illness. To me it is a series of ups and downs where I slide in and out of mind games. I have a very hard time accepting this illness. I feel good most of the time. I now know that I feel good because of the medicine. I take lithium, trileptal, abilify, atarax, and seroquel when needed. I get manic, and I get depressed. The lithium helps me to stay stable.
So, what is a "normal" person with Bipolar Disorder? An individual who has accepted that he/she has a major mental disorder has taken the first big step. Acceptance of Bipolar Disorder comes through education, reading, and understanding his/her own symptoms, knowledge of his/her triggers and more. Acceptance comes through support, feedback and advice not just from professionals but by other individuals who share bipolar disorder. Acceptance of Bipolar Disorder means knowing that you have a mental illness, not that you are a mental illness. Acceptance means the ability to live, love and carry on with your life. My attitude changed when I changed my acceptance levels toward the illness. Today I have a better attitude.
Now on to my fears. When I came out of the hospital, I was so full of fear that I could not stay by myself. Thank God for friends that let me come over and spend a few nights. Today I still have a few fears, but mostly normal fears. I am not afraid of the illness, and I will not allow the fears that come with the illness overtake me.
I will now talk about mood swings. The best diagnosis is a stable person. When I have a mood swing, I go from normal to depression, or normal to mania, or a mixed state which is which is both depressive and manic. I still have mood swings, and these can make our home a very hard place to find peace.I can yell, scream, insist my way, or just get blue all in a day.These mood swings are serious, but can be helped by getting good sleep, eating good, stay away from drugs and alcohol, and hang around good positive people. My mood swings are so much better today. I have learned to be a happy person with a illness. I have accepted my illness. and take the challenge to help those around me with the bipolar illness. Have a great summer.

Williamsburg in July

We are here in Williamsburg, Va on our vacation. We are joined by our children and grandchildren. I love Williamsburg because it has so much historic value. The weather is starting to heat up, and the pools are getting warmer. Have a great summer!

Importance of Family

I grew up on the Eastern Shore of Maryland in a normal family except that my father traveled a lot. We took vacations, enjoyed Christmas, and had music playing around the home.I played music in the band, and actually made all shore band, district band and all state band playing the trumpet. I finally made 1st chair trumpet, and was driven by the need to succeed.Joshua 24:15 says" Then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the true God, or the false gods. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Sadly for me, I chose the way of the world. I chose the wrong friends, and started getting involved in heavy drug use. I worked at a local Arby's and found a lot of good friends. I made frequent trips to Ocean City Md, where I bought and sold drugs.During this time I had been working at my parents home to make some extra money. I was raking leaves and started a fire only to pour gasoline on the fire. The fire quickly flared up and caught me on fire. A buddy quickly threw me to the ground and rolled me over to put the flames out. I went to the emergency room where they told my mom that I had 2-3rd degree burns. My school friends started to call me crispy critter, and I pulled away from everyone.My mom prayed for me, and I received a miracle. As of today, I only have a small scar on my left hand. The doctors verified that it was beyond medical science.I graduated from High School, and went to Salisbury University. On Oct 5th, 1973 my big day happened. I was still on drugs, and was doing a free concert with my friend Robin Pratt. The music was jamming, and he walked away and said he was leaving. I announced to the crowd of around 50 people that the concert was over. I went over to Robins car, and asked " Whats wrong" He said everything. His parents are breaking up, his girl friend left him, and he had to leave College because of bad grades. I tried everything to console him, but nothing worked. He wanted to take his life, as he was so depressed. Then I remembered my mom's prayers. I shared them with Robin, and quite miraculous both of us had a eye opening Christ saving experience.Robin and I turned our lives around for Jesus. Jesus does make a big difference. Robin left college , and I left after the first semester. I had a good year until I went to visit some of my old friends. This was August of 1974. I started smoking marijuana again, and felt myself falling away from the church that I was attending. I started going to Ocean City Maryland again, and quickly found some heavy drugs. John 10:10 say that the thief comes to steal and destroy.I went back to my friends home in Salisbury, Md. and asked for some LSD. I took the LSD, ate some pills, and drank some liquor . I can't explain what happened, but all of a sudden, I started to blank out.My friends came over me, and verified that my heart had stopped beating for 3 minutes. Quickly they left the room, as they did not wish to be blamed for a death. Then it happened. I saw a vision of Jesus riding on a white horse, and He said to me: Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart. I cried yes Jesus, with all of my heart. Just as I cried, I came back to my self over that toilet, and promised to Him that I would serve Him all the days of my live.My ministry began to take off, as I sought to tell my story all over the world. I was married in 1976, and found a beautiful family of Mennonites in Pennsylvania.I needed a strong family as I had just come from a world of addictions and pain. Today my life is all about family. Family is coming together to share, live out values, and live out community to help those all around you.I truly have a wonderful family, starting with my own. I am married with 3 boys, and 2 grandchildren. Life around our home is great. We are blessed.

Loving my Wife!

I am the luckiest man in the world. I have Bipolar Illness. It can challenge my wife to the fullest degree, and cause some major problems in our home. I had a manic episode last year that caused our relationship to falter. Yet she stood beside me . She talked with me, and tried to understand the illness, in which we both are still learning about. She wants to trust me, but trust is gained through time. One year has passed, and we are building a stronger relationship.
Forgiveness came easy for her as she states that she forgives me as Christ forgives me. I still have mood swings and she tries to help me through the hard times. She is a very strong woman. She works full time, and then comes home to look after me. I can only say that she is a God sent woman sent from God for me.
Neither of us wished for the illness to come to our home, but it did. I believe that she is much stronger than I am. I know that our marriage of 32 years counts for something.I am lucky because I seem to be given a second chance to stay stable in my illness. Will I always be stable. I do not know, nor do I know when the next depression, or mania will come. I do know this, I have the best wife in the whole world. Karen, I love you with my whole heart, and I look forward to many more years together.

Diagnosis

Two years ago I was diagnosed as Bipolar. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes one to move from mania( highs), to deep lows( depression). I am finding out now that I must have had some form of Bipolar disease for most of my life. Thank God that I never acting out in the early years. At age 52 I went into what pyschiatrist call a manic episode. My mind began to spin, and my whole being just went into a frenzy. I stopped taking my meds, and began to do things that were irrational, and crazy like.
It lasted over 5 months because I loved the high I was feeling. Finally I was approached by my wife, who sent me to my pyschiatrist, who sent me to the emergency room. They did tests, and found out that I needed to go to a hospital. I went to the hospital and stayed 1 week. After I got my meds stabilized, and I was feeling better, they allowed me to go home.
For weeks, I was araid of the dark, and had terrible thoughts in my mind. Slowly I was starting to regain my mind. Today, I am feeling much better, and have a much better outlook on life. I go to my pyschiatrist, a therapist, and a devoted friend who meets with me on a regular basis. I work part time, and then work around the house. I have Bipolar 1 which is the most severe. I am coping with it be taking my meds faithfully, and seeing my doctors, and friends. If you have Bipolar or any mental illness, please try to follow the doctors plan for your illness. All I know is that I am feeling so much better now that I am follow my plan. Have a great 4th of July.